Lost and Tired

I feel so lost today. Trembling in the fear that had perhaps been hiding all these days under my serene mind. 

I observe. As I cry. As I feel guilty of the past and fearful of the future. I am not aware of the NOW. And I do not want to care about it too. The philosophy that I had been developing these days feels like a big piece of bullshit. The power of my consciousness does not seem infinite any more. It doesn’t even seem limited to me. I feel like I am completely powerless. I have no control over what is happening to me. And to make matters worse, I have no clue right now about what I really want.

I feel tired and I do not want to think anymore.