The Nature of Desire

It was perhaps the best graduation I could have asked for. I graduated from a distinguished MBA school, with the love of my life. I spoke before a crowd of over 200 as one of the three graduate representatives. Finally, both of us were granted the ‘Outstanding Graduate’ Awards. And if that wasn’t enough, I received several compliments on my speech - from the dean, MBA director, professors and fellow students. Theoretically, I should be on top of the world.

And yet my mind harbors several negative thoughts. The concern of being judged by fellow-classmates on the award.. The disappointment with probable incorrect english usage in my speech.. The pain of still being dependent on my family for my financial needs.. The anxiety associated with an unclear career path.. The guilt for receiving more joy than many others.. And a fear of the adversities about to follow this near-perfect celebration.. Does that say anything about human nature?

One can never be truly happy if happiness is sourced from external world. There is no end, whatsoever, to human desire.

An artificial boost to self-worth

It’s amazing how special a gesture of appreciation can make you feel. It’s equally saddening too. Yesterday, I learnt that my team’s project proposal was demonstrated as the best example to our following batch. And the excellence of the presentation was being accredited to the fact that we had a consultant in the team. Something inside me exclaimed when the entire glory was bestowed on my teammate, who did his internship at BCG and who, in reality, mostly contributed to the research. The presentation was my responsibility, my contribution. I defended myself. And immediately felt foolish for doing so. Still, I secretly longed for more appreciation from those around me - an appreciation that, I knew, would not have any significance - for anyone. 

Why do our instincts spontaneously respond to our need for external recognition?

When will I relinquish the need for external approval?

When will I internalize the fact that I am inferior to none, superior to none?