The Roots of Sexism

Yatra naryastu pujyante ramante tatra devata.
“Where women are worshiped, there the Gods rejoice."

I remember reading this in my Sanskrit class in eighth grade. A shloka that once made me proud of my culture now sounds like an ancient but futile attempt at uplifting women.

In this fast changing world, I have evolved as a person and so has my perspective. My immediate concerns are hardly to do with the millions of women who battle the harsh summers, clad in black burqa, or with the countless females who still go through verbal and physical abuse in their own families. I feel incapable of even influencing their views, when my rather sophisticated circle still preserves and embraces the very roots of chauvinism. I see sexist tendencies all around me.

It’s in the marketing tactics of big companies that label even children's toys as ‘for boys' and ‘for girls’.

It’s in the failure of our film and TV community to produce strong and tasteful alternatives to Honey Singh songs or Ms Ekta Kapoor’s serials.

It’s in my grandpa's apprehension to let me drive in the hills even before giving me a chance. It’s not same as the disappointment he'd share if his grandson falters.

It’s in my grandma's attitude towards the women who are outspoken about their domestic troubles. It’s not same as her opinion on husbands who are cruel on their wives.

It’s in my uncle’s casual jokes on his wife’s cooking skills. Comparisons made are not with his own skills but his mom’s or his friends' spouses.

It’s in my aunt’s observation that raising a grandson is a challenging job as “boys are so energetic". It’s not same as her saga of struggle while raising two daughters with a full-time job.

It’s in my friend’s expectation of his wife to observe Karvachauth, despite her lack of belief in the customs that his family follows.

It’s in my cousin's total acceptance of her husband’s unnecessary expectations. That her aspirations and dreams are restricted is related to her silence.

It’s in my colleague's argument that he cannot care for his daughter as well as his wife can. You can see that it's a point made to discharge him of some of the parental responsibilty on grounds of gender.

It’s in my sister's eagerness to change her surname after her marriage.

It’s in the unease that rises in me seeing my dad working in the kitchen if my mother takes rest. A discomfort that would vanish the very moment they switch places.

It’s in the guilt I feel for not being able to get up as early as my husband and being the one making the morning tea. I know it’s not same as the guilt that would bother him if I do rest of the chores.

We might treat sexism as a problem of women. But in reality it is a sub-problem linked to a legacy that has accepted and promoted inequity of people for centuries. Our bias for strength and perfection has made us divide the world on the lines of gender, skin-color, race, facial features, height, weight, aptitude, socio-economic status, etc. 

In my humble view, we cannot solve the issues of sexism, racism or classism in isolation. They are essentially problems of human rights. The solution to sexism, and to any form of discrimination, ultimately lies in looking at the world through the ideal of fairness. Can we treat people with the same warmth, despite their unique traits or stories? Can we form our attitudes based on a fair understanding of the situation rather than our conditioning of how a specific group is or should be? 

Can we please stop celebrating the contribution or sacrifice of women, an act that further alienates men who've suffered just as much through other forms of discrimination? The glorification of womanhood does not necessarily resonate with, and perhaps even hinders, the purpose of gender equity.

Can we stop labelling her as goddess, or prostitute, or superwoman, or bitch, and just accept her as she is - a human being first?