The illusion of purity

Me - this word, rather the image of it, silently enslaves so many of us. Some spend lifetimes trying to build that image, some trying to sustain it. Some live in the illusion of "I can take all the pain but I can never cause pain to someone else" and then get shattered when, unconsciously, they end up hurting someone. I once lived in the illusion of "I always keep my promises." And it took me breaking just a couple of promises to go through a long period of self-hatred. Many people, at some point in their lives, end up feeling extreme dissonance between imagination and reality of the self.
Though isn't life just like flowing water? Along the way it gets maligned or clear, fast or slow, shallow or deep. It adapts to the landscape around it. We too accumulate experiences or abandon beliefs with time - discovering ourselves over and over again. Then how practical is it for us to define ourselves by a few images? Can we hold on to those images and yet move ahead as the world around us changes?

Oblivious

In the land of glitters and sequins
Hidden in a rather dull corner
Here I rest in your embrace
Cozy like a foetus in womb
I'm catching my breath for a moment or two
Far away from the unending race
A long way from the line of fire
And from the sounds that pierce through my soul
Feeling liberated in confinement
In this moment I am oblivious to all the hurt
But also to the meaning of life

Goodbye idealism

I remember rejoicing to the victory of this nobody, against an incumbent politician in New Delhi. I remember getting teary-eyed when he acknowledged, "Main bahut chhota aadmi hun, meri aukat hi kya hai". I was a proud and hopeful part of this anti-corruption movement. I appreciated Kejriwal's "genuine" words and "selfless" efforts. And I don't regret any of it. But the person who was deeply touched by it all was a different me. The stance and actions of AAP have been partly responsible for changing certain aspects of me fundamentally.

• I'd always identified myself as a dreamer. Like pursuing perfection is a rare, distinguishing skill, worth celebrating. Perhaps it is. But I now realize that it a hollow one too. A dream is meaningless and pointless if it is not supported by the appreciation of current truth and a deliberate alignment of all your actions. 
• I've also often taken pride in my ability to ask fundamental questions on the status quo. Though I now realize that practicality lies not in those existential questions but in taking steps towards constant improvisation. 
• I remember being this girl who stood by the "right thing"; who judged people and situations through the lens of her own bias; who rejoiced at the concept of "Satyamev jayate". I was a person who believed in true love, in utopia, in a life of purpose. All that has shattered in the light of current circumstances. 

Kejriwal and co - I would still like to believe that whatever you are doing is because you care. And I hope you'd find your way soon. It's strange that a certain language that gave me goosebumps before sounds massively melodramatic today. Words that inspired me earlier make me laugh out aloud now. Thanks for bringing this significant change. In me.