The Nature of Desire

It was perhaps the best graduation I could have asked for. I graduated from a distinguished MBA school, with the love of my life. I spoke before a crowd of over 200 as one of the three graduate representatives. Finally, both of us were granted the ‘Outstanding Graduate’ Awards. And if that wasn’t enough, I received several compliments on my speech - from the dean, MBA director, professors and fellow students. Theoretically, I should be on top of the world.

And yet my mind harbors several negative thoughts. The concern of being judged by fellow-classmates on the award.. The disappointment with probable incorrect english usage in my speech.. The pain of still being dependent on my family for my financial needs.. The anxiety associated with an unclear career path.. The guilt for receiving more joy than many others.. And a fear of the adversities about to follow this near-perfect celebration.. Does that say anything about human nature?

One can never be truly happy if happiness is sourced from external world. There is no end, whatsoever, to human desire.

An argument against meditation

Between all the dejection on the job hunt front, I had a private moment of glory today - a moment too menial to be shared with anyone else yet too special to be not saved for my future reference.

I have had an internal conflict against the entire idea of meditation for it offers you only a temporary haven not a permanent abode. And the concept of sitting and observing my thoughts just bores me. My argument has been that if meditation is just about observing one’s thoughts and actions, I could as well try to do it consciously day and night, instead of a periodic ritual. And I have been trying to do that, to some extent at least. But I hadn’t found a supporting theory to my idea so far. None of the gurus or philosophies seemed to be talking about extending meditation to all walks of your life.

J Krishnamurti is by far the most inspiring philosopher to me, for he doesn’t answer my questions but inspires me to admit that I don’t know a lot. He doesn’t offer a path like a guru; instead renders me as the strongest entity in my life. I saw a JK video for the first time today where he discussed meditation with Dr Allan Anderson. And he talked about the thing I had unheard of anywhere else but my mind - futility of the meditation that does not involve your entire being. Hence, my favorite philosopher has become the only person so far who voiced out this irrationally significant thought of mine. And as an imperfect individual, I seek incredible pride and joy from this fact.

Reference:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsqWkJ8fNWE

Breaking free from conditioning and judgment

Amidst two of my closest friends suffering tension in their respective marital lives, I have realized how a perfectly reasonable human being is capable of becoming unbelievably apathetic as well as irrationally empathetic to another person’s suffering. After spending several years believing that we are in complete control of our minds and our lives, I am observing a very different perspective now.

Life presents to us choices at every point in time. In a sense, the choice that we make at a given moment determines what happens to us in future. But isn’t that choice driven by the wisdom of our past interpretations of the tiniest experiences around us?

Weirdly enough, the exact same event could have different interpretations for two persons with varying prejudices, value systems or mental faculties. If we trace back, the chain of interpretation starts at the very moment of our inception - when we possess nothing but a body and a certain level of mental capability. Let us imagine a hypothetical situation from the world of Oliver Twist:

Three orphan kids (A, B and C), with no previous prejudice about the world , enter an orphanage that offers extreme deprivation and discipline. Everyday they see that the matron enjoys all the benefits (mouthwatering food, warm clothes, comfortable home etc) that they can ever fancy. Once, child A requests the matron to let him taste a mango and gets beaten up for that request. Child A, perhaps then, may regard the world as divided between the powerful and the weak. He might start panicking about his safety and eventually become a compliant but fearful civilian. Child B, who happens to closely observe the joy on the face of the matron enjoying the mango, may see a proof of the link between power and joy. He might value pleasure and power going forward. Child C, who is shaken by the injustice done to child A, may make up his mind that the world ought to be made just, by any means necessary. He might begin to consider justice as the most important value. The three children are likely to then observe all the future events with glasses tinted by their prejudices and value systems. 

It is horrific for me to imagine the implications of the thought that's taking shape here. Doesn't a person become a brutal murderer because his experiences have made him deprived, desperate, adamant and inhumane - all at the same time? To would extent has he been driven by the circumstances and how much is he truly responsible?

In fact, isn’t it even illogical for a sacred cow to judge the morality of a ferocious tiger? What the cow sees as choice is actually a necessity for the tiger. And both of them are blinded their respective conditioning.